i know she wants me
by her side in sleep. i do not really ask her to stay,
only imply she is invited. i speak
our language. now i understand why no one wants me
to hickey them over the collar & on the wrist, all these visible
marks of myself. Myself
touches me as if she is an endangered species of jungle cat
that craves everyone it sees. we kneel & braid each other’s
hair from the front, reach over shoulder, pull from the nape.
though we reflect one another
i am jealous of Myself, the perfect way she uses her fingers.
Myself can finish me
so much faster than i can; she sees in me
a target. i do not envy that all her kisses
are anxious with farewell. not everyone understands
how to care for endangered predators. even knowing how
much she needs,
i want Myself to post a photo of us together, though we only
just met –
hours earlier at a bus station. in the blue of a rain-smeared
window
she appeared. i wish Myself would forgive me,
without my having to ask, for sleeping with yet another friend
who has broken the heart
of someone i love. i do it all the time. we love to fuck
heartbreakers
because it makes us feel intact. we can look each other
in the heartbreaking smile & not diminish. yet i know
that after Myself leaves, i will fall asleep on only half the
mattress. she will decide to leave –
but first we go to bed again
to prove that we are irresistible. both of us are willing
to wear the 8-inch purple cock
to make it easier, but really
we would each rather be the princess of lollipops, purple
tongues & purple
thumbs & purple knees. we both hate self-
pleasure, because what, do we not care
about the nuclear holocaust & the famine in that other country?
but we both love to watch it happen so why the fuck
do we get off. from the back i see Myself as if
in a hairdresser’s mirror, same dainty
broad body. the calves strain under oceanic tattoos & the waist
is perhaps the parabola of time. we breathe in
spaces between:
I I I therefore? after,
we twine each other like a lemon grove, as if
to remain. but
Myself chooses cab fare
from the dresser & kisses me
on my hip-soft cheek.
when my lower lip quivers it means my mouth needs filling.
we’ve been like this since forever.
she puts her thumbs over my eyelids
& swipes the tears away. even she does not stay
the night. until the taxi leaves view i hug
the doorframe in a borrowed shirt & hope
she’s going home to no one.
